In a development that must be unprecedented in the history of civilization, a law office in DeLand, Florida, is being razed to make way for—are you ready for this?—chess.
It’s true. I’ll pause for a moment so you can read that first incongruous, counter-intuitive sentence again and allow it to sink in. Apparently, the powerful and unscrupulous chess lobby in DeLand has thrown its full weight behind a plan to displace a poor, defenseless group of attorneys. It all sounds very Dickensian, doesn’t it? Money quote from the DeLand-Deltona Beacon:
“To make way for the controversial new Chess Park in Downtown DeLand, a former law office on the east side of the Volusia County Historic Courthouse is being demolished.”
But I digress. The Beacon article doesn’t say why the park is “controversial,” though based on a report last year from Boylston, it appears the elders of the town are worried about people betting on chess. Chess and gambling? Has that ever happened? In any case, it’s reassuring to see that they’ll have security cameras in the park. A chess park is a natrual breeding ground for terrorist activity—a veritable threat to national security—and I’d shudder to think that people might be allowed to play blitz without Big Brother keeping an eye on things.